TheOutsider

Emo & Imao

2006-11-01T21:43:00.000-08:00

lol the words Emo and Imao just sound so funny when you say them together lol. Hey i love Shron's blog lah and Madeline's is also very nice plus i adore Stella's. Haven't been able to check on yours for a while dear. Lol i'd love to be a dancer man. A ballroom dancer. Their so graceful! I tried for a while but i wasn't very good at it. Still trying to be Imao rather than Emo lol. I'm very thankful for the friends i have. Very glad. Sem 2 started and it's stress. I'm trying to cope with it lah but it's proving to be hard. I'm praying that i'll have the strength to carry on. Wish me luck!

Not outside, not so cold

2006-06-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

Guess what? I'm smiling (it's a miracle!!!) haha i feel extremely blessed now. Extremely blessed because i have friends who really give a dam about me. I'm not on the outside, not now at least. I'm not alone in the cold, not today. No, today i'm counting my blessings. Counting my family, my friends, all those who've helped me. My pets even.

Chris,Madeline,Shron,Stella,Parmeet,Yvette,Yi Ling,Adeline,Ying ying,Wei Qi,Dinah,Anisah,Idah,Zi leh!!! All you gals rock! I love you all. Chris your always in my heart, always and forever. Madeline your my constant buddy always there for me, Shron your my rock (holding me up against the tide!!), STella baby i love ya (i'm mummy remember!!!!), Parmeet your so cool, Yvette your so understanding and nice, Yi Ling your so *burp* sweet and funny and i love ya!,Ying ying your so friendly! Wei qi ur damn cute lah very sweet and nice. Dinah, Anisah and Idah i will neva forget how great it was to work with you girls your the best! Zi leh i'm so glad we're in contact again!

Kiat Ying,Denise,Hui fen,Hui min,Lena,Sze I miss you gals so much!!!! Dun worry i'll find a way to keep in touch!

See i'm not so alone am i? It's the quality that's important and all these ppl are 1000% first grade quality.

PS: thanks for the emotional support gals. Chris, Shron you keep me on the surface and stop me from sinking below water level!

(Someone passed me a blanket and lifted me out of the snow)

hello

2006-03-09T21:20:00.000-08:00

hello all! here is a pic x let me use. It shall be permanently at my "wish" section of my blog^^

here is what it looks like:

so today i went to x's house and it was fun :) right x? -wink wink-

Letting you down

2006-03-08T08:09:00.000-08:00

Hey X really sorry that i have to let you down abt tommorrow. I really really wanted to come over and all. And now have to wait till next week.....darn. I hate the fact that your hp is spoiling, i wish i could buy you a new one (i would if i could afford it). BB is sick so tommorow will be spent taking care of him. X you know i wrote a letter to you explaining alot of things but kinda not sure if i want to give it cause you might judge me wrongly after reading it but i guess you should read it (than you'd see me more for who i am). I'm glad you trust me, that's important to me. Lotsa love X (sweet dreams X gonna be thinking of ya tommorrow).

*LoVe Is StRaNgE. iT cOmEs In MaNy ShApEs AnD sIzEs AnD iT vArIeS iN DeGreE bUt ThE gReAtEsT tEsT oF lOvE pReSeNtS iTsElf iN tHe DaRkEsT oF tiMeS*

Ouch!! Oww!!! Yeow!!! Bloody Beeping Hell

2006-03-06T05:21:00.000-08:00

Owwwwwww... my leg hurts *censored* *censored*. Extreme pain, especially when you have to walk around in tight jeans that just rub against the hurt part. Anyways other than that not much has happened. Was hoping to see a tag but i guess it's a silly expectation. Hope X isn't angry at me... i did something quite stupid and i'm not talking abt the poem. Hmm if X is angry i do deserve it...however i hope not. I do need X so. *censored* *censored* bloody *censored* hell i just hit my leg by accident, wow like really i needed the extra pain(being sacarsitic). Hmm i think i'm gonna probably have a bit of trouble sleeping tonight.

Bored

2006-03-05T20:30:00.000-08:00

Hey bored out of my mind. lol you know i really don't like Fort Minor at all... I mean pleassseee... Mike is lousy without the rest of LP. Sigh lalalalala.... boring. Oh hey felt kinda sad late yesterday night for reasons i shan't disclose. :( Thankfully things are better today morning.

Just a poem
I WOULD RATHER HURT MYSELF
THAN TO EVER SEE YOU HURTING
I WOULD RATHER SHED MY TEARS
THAN TO EVER SEE YOU CRYING
I WOULD RATHER BEAR THE PAIN
FOR DARLING WHEN YOUR SAD
IT HURTS ME MORE THAN ANYTHING
ANY PAIN I'VE EVER HAD
(please don't be angry at me for writing this poem)

In Memory Of You

2006-03-04T07:51:00.000-08:00

IN MEMORY OF YOU
Curly (1991-2005)

I thought of you again my darling
as i always do.
Everytime i open the door
I envision your sweet face
waiting to greet me.
Those magical, misty eyes.
Eyes that never judged but only welcomed.
Those eyes that also warned me
Warned me of thy passing.
Oh baby why did God have to take thee away?
Maybe he just needed another
angel to brightened heaven
Maybe he needed another
star to brightened the skies.
Baby i miss you so
how you used to lay next to me
and the loyalthy you showed
i can never forget
how you would come to my aid
to protect me if ever the need arose
you were my little protector
So now as the tears well up
I send you my love baby
Be a good baby boy and
shine on in your own way
Run and be free in the heavens
Have fun and play
Don't miss me baby
We'll see each other one day....

(The 21st of July marks baby Curly's 1 year of passing. He was much more to me than just a dog, he was pure innocence, loyalthy, unfading love and affection. He will be truly missed. I can't believe 8 months plus has passed without him. Shine on my baby.)

Hmmm....

2006-03-03T08:29:00.000-08:00

X is a friend, a very close friend but still... it's not that scandalous. lol, just a person i love to spend time together with regardless of wat we do. X is very sweet and X makes me feel important, wanted, loved and unafraid and that is why X will always have a special place in my memory even when i'm 80 and can'think of much. I hope we stay together for as long as possible. Lol but it's a different sort of love from the normal "guy and gal" thing. Just different lol. Didn't meet X today, spent the day taking care of my baby nephew whose cute naughty ways are very amusing. Love my nephew, he's like the morning dew. So fresh and magical.

Today

2006-03-02T09:13:00.000-08:00

Today was fun. Went out with X today it was fun lol. Was actually very happy to go to X's house cause we haven't met in sometime. I was actually very touched by the very sweet design of my name which X did!!! Thanki :) !!! We went to a really huge and quite deserted park to take pictures of the scenery and stuff (the photos actualy turned out pretty artistic) than we also tried on quite a few clothes (which really I couldn't afford)for the heck of it. I'm not going to say much lol before ppl get the wrong idea. It was just really fun and I had a great time just being with X seriously. okay not gonna write anymore at this point of time. lol ;)

LOVE!!!!

2006-03-01T08:36:00.000-08:00

Artist: Richard Marx and Donna Lewis lyrics
Song: At the Beginning lyrics (extract)

We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming
What we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me
I was going to find you
Unexpected
What you did to my heart
When I had lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

And Life is a road
I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey

I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart

Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey

I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep going on....
Starting out on a journey
Life is a road and I wanna going
Love is river I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you.

Ahh... isn't love sweet???!!! Lol ;)

Rats!!!!

2006-02-22T00:41:00.000-08:00

Sigh studying for exams is so exhausting and mentally trying. I could just zone out and fall asleep with the book still open. Plus i feel so behind too... four exams and i'm really only ready for like one or two. Sian. Anyway half way while day dreaming i realised something. We all live in flats and apartments, each busy working in our own little holes and niches. Know what that reminds me off??? Rats. yup, lab rats in little stacked cages. Some eating, some running their wheels and all of them working towards some sort of goal. Deep right??? haha.

Lol carebears are so cute man, accidentally turned on to kids central haha. Hmm running out of ideas for my story. I can't think of a concrete plot i
just keep on writing but i don't think that's the way professionals do it haha. oh plus i need a really cool title.

Wow... i'm missing out

2006-02-19T08:06:00.001-08:00

okay well I just went to see all my past sec school frens blogs and damn it I'm missing out on the loving. Lol but i'm glad their all doing well. Stella, Kiat and Lena just like to tell you your all great, all divas, all bimbos, all sexy and all sucessful "bitches" (kidding i love ya). Really miss everyone. :(

(We all take different roads, thus is the sadness of parting. But remain in the heart the pure hope that one may find along this journey the one's they started out with yet again. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE??? TO ME IT DOES. Lol go figure)

Elighten Me

2006-02-19T08:06:00.000-08:00

Hallo! it's been extremely long since i've bothered to write anything. Figured nobody would bother reading Haha. Anyway i've been really looking forward to becoming a full-time teacher! Only 2 years more before I grad!!! I absolutely love the kids now. lol. You know what makes me angry??? People mocking my field of study. It's a lot deeper than people think and being a professional learning facilitator is not some simple job. I'm still writing in hopes of publishing a book but i'm not going very far on it. Sigh still trying to find myself. Definately not there yet, still confused. But i'm getting there bit by bit. Enlighten Me, Find Me, Be Me.

2005-09-03T21:30:00.000-07:00

To those suffering due to Hurricane Katrina. I pray that the chaos and horror caused will soon subside. To all the citizens of America affected by this tradegy, be strong and overcome this tragedy. To all those who have lost a loved one, I cannot even phantom your pain but i have faith that Americans will over come this. My heart goes out to those distressed in New Orleans. I pray that sufficent aid will reach you and that the needed reinforcements asked for by your mayor Ray Nagin will arrive soon. Take heart, things must one day return to normal.

Hmmm

2005-09-01T07:28:00.000-07:00

:schizophrenic:other was that aimed at anonymous?? if yes, thanks alot. Smile. The creepy little bugger deserves to be told off. Kinda bumed today cuz i messed up my dance routine and i feel apologetic towards my dance partner, *sorry* although we're going to be graded separately anyway. Heh i keep on screwing things up... i've got to get my head straight... lol.

What the F**k (Don't leave rumours didn't ur mummy tell you it's not nice.....)

2005-09-01T02:34:00.000-07:00

Hmm..who's the last person who left a tag and where the fu*k did you here that. Even if i do do that so wat... it's my life(maybe you should invest in one). Obviously your parents never thought you any manners...tsk tsk... oh and if you belive everything you hear your just plain gullible.

2005-08-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

Ha ha...the last person who left a post noes me so well...but you went to put my name!!!! defeats the purpose lol...*knock head against the wall* haha... lol a wrote another poem but this time it's a sweeter, happy one. A treasured thing....it's very rare coming from me...haha

I held a butterfly

I held a butterfly in my hand
And the enormity of it all struck me
I than began to understand
The world for it's beauty and irony

Innocent men are sentenced to hang
Children get caught in the line of fire
A starving boy digs dustbins for scraps
Yet material goods is all we desire

We complain when we have
to stay home and can't go out
But what about the beggar in the corner
Having a home is something he dreams about

There are so many people out there hurting
Oh! the pain we inflict upon ourselves
Dry your eyes and wipe your tears
We all have something to be greatful for

I let the butterfly go and it flew away
Don't give up, fight the fight
The pain, hurt, the abuse you feel
Will fade away into the night.

Accepting me

2005-08-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

Lol...where to start.??? I try my best to accept myself for all my good points and bad points but sometimes it's just difficult ya know... haha maybe you don't. Anyways here's abit about me in case anybody i dun noe happens to stumble upon this blog(that is possible rite?) Well i'm 17 and i'm Singaporean (*think small urban asian island) I'm not completely asian, I'm a mix of chinese, eurasian and armenian (*i think tat's the spelling) blood. I used to come from a seven member family but my sister (*shit her) left with her son to start their own life after messing up the family. My brother whose the eldest (*12 yrs older) is gonna get his own place in a few yrs too. My other sister floats from my family's house and my shitty sisters rented house. The past few years have been hectic and my parents are both quite old and not so well in health. Thus, my fear of being suddenly left alone is quite "real". Ha...let's see wat else. I'm catholic and i place great faith in my religion i'm just a bit negative sometimes. Oh and i'm broke but seriously i dun have much too complain abt... i noe ppl who are much worse off so I guess i'm quite lucky. I thank God for all his blessing and i'm glad that he's given me so much. I aspire to be an artist or novelist next time but we'll see. I'll try to be less "woe is me" ppl but it's good to bitch sometimes. Get things outa ya system. I thank you for all your messages please drop by again...
lotsa love and kisses

Walls-poem

2005-08-25T22:10:00.000-07:00

It's not your fault you can't see me
I've built walls around myself
I'm no stranger to rejection
And that's a problem in itself

The things people say can be so cruel
And though i know it matters not
I can't help but think the negative
All the demons I have fought

I shouldn't complain, it's not that bad
I know things are now right
but pardon me for i do slip
into the darknest of the night

It's not your fault you can't see me
I've built walls around myself
But you can help me break them
And lift me out of this cell.

The Heart -poem

2005-08-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

It is easy to learn not to speak
To make your tongue lie useless
It is easy to learn not to see
To cover your eyes with an invisible sheet

It is easy to learn not to feel
To make your skin go numb
It is easy to learn not to think
To play as if your dumb

But it's never easy to control your heart
from love that can mend or tear apart.

The beginning

2005-08-18T22:36:00.000-07:00

Existence is not Life.
This is the painful lesson which I have learnt. Merely existing does not satisfy the human need to be wanted, needed and loved. Ever felt alone or discarded??? Well I have and it's a lonely painful existence. Follow me as I navigate through this messed up thing I call life. I'm sure you'll be able to relate....